And finally after telling him how worried I felt...he would reply ....his replies would be "i'm stressed"...."sorry I'm busy"....."Im sorry I'll talk you soon not a good time"...."I'm under the pump"...."getting raped".....
It happened everyday....and my anxiety just got worse and worse.....I was sad...I was unhappy....T's communication skills was sub-par....and having undergone a previous mentally abusive relationship...this is just not what I needed....T couldn't understand why I needed contact.....T simply wasn't able to balance his girl...and his work......
It wasn't just work....it was T's attitude to life and relationships....it seemed like enjoying life, having fun and career was his number 1 importance....relationships came next...... T was not taking us seriously enough and his lack of communication and not being able to understand what I was going through was just killing me.....
my constant being upset and starting fights and arguments put a massive massive strain on the relationship...I was just never able to be happy without getting annoyed at T for something....... T wasn't understand how serious my anxiety had gotten....and why he would 5 missed calls, endless texts and emails. I was sick.....mentally and physically...... when T realised it was getting bad we both agreed that I should go see a doctor....and he was understanding....I'd cry to T every night (that I was able to get him on the phone)....and I felt my world was crashing down....my friendships were ruined...my family life was shaken.....and T was worried.....we all were.....I told T that I can't go on like this anymore and that he needed to make an effort to assure me he was ok when I needed it to get rid of my anxiety about him....T didn't understand...T would say I don't want to add fuel to the fire...I need to take a tough love approach to this and not encourage your anxiety....you need to be strong and blah blah.....
I went on meds and that was the day my life changed....meds helped.....like I can't explain. I was strong again, I became myself again...I ate...I went out...I drank.....i lived my life....and only few people knew my secret but I was able to gain my independence from T and I decided....maybe T is not for me....maybe T's lifestyle and career choices just don't sit with mine...
T & I broke up........
The next day I received texts from mutual friends saying T is not doing too well and is missing me a lot and wants to work it out.....but i was stubborn
I then felt bad and spoke to T and he wanted me back....but i still stayed stubborn. I told T that things needed to change...that I've been taken for granted....that he has never said he loves me....that he is not committed and serious about this relationship....T told me none of that was true and that he was always committed and serious but he is young and its his first relationship and just needs time.....
T was not coping.....he would constantly contact me, want to meet up with me and be with me....he told me he loved me to my face and that he hadn't felt this way ever and missed me like crazy.....T said he can't do this job without me and that I have been his rock and support all the way and have kept him sane.....T told me that I am what he looks forward to at the end of the working week and that he will never find someone with my personality and that he doesn't want to talk anyone else....we hugged and he cried....and I couldn't keep it together...
I wanted T back so badly...but I didn't know if it was the right move....I didn't want to be hurt again for us to fall into the same trap again.....but I decided to give it a second chance and T & I were a thing again..
As my anxiety reduced our relationship strengthened and just knowing how much T loved me and was willing to keep trying to make it work gave me some comfort...
T became amazing....if I've ever seen any guy step up and learn from his mistakes ..it's T....
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