it was my birthday last saturday....I passed mid-twenties (gosh I am old).... T & I had plans to watch a show that night..something we had both been looking forward to....but as usual things were looking shaky in terms of him getting off work....I told T not to worry and not to stress and that it'd be good if he could make it but if not, there's nothing that can be done....he said he'd try his best and I believed him.
T took the whole day off work on my birthday....we went to a fair....went for dinner...then went to our show...he also bought me a beautiful gift which was a complete surprise. T really spoilt me
This week has been horrible....I haven't been able to sleep...I haven't been able to get back into work and study mode since my long weekend and enjoyable birthday weekend....and I am also starting to feel really lost of any real direction in my life in any aspect.
Ive been missing all of T's calls last night because I go and sleep downstairs and sleep through his calls...because I am not getting any sleep upstairs on my own....and every morning I wake up feeling annoyed that I didn't get to talk to him.... I haven't seen too much of T ...a bit here and there but not much....
I feel as though theres a bit of a distance between us this week and I Can't really figure out why...perhaps its just because T is really stressed again and his hours are getting crazy....he tends to shut me off at these times because he wants to focus on just one thing....
Aside from my career and lack of direction in this aspect....I am also very uncertain as to what the future holds for T and myself....it's been 3.5 years and marriage is still referred to as an "if" thing....I guess no one really knows what's going to happen in a few years, let alone tomorrow....but something about this uncertainty makes me feel anxious....
I know T loves me...I know he doesn't want to be with anyone else... but he doesn't seem ready or even ready to discuss anything....
Either that or I just haven't asked him what our plan is and what our timeframe is and if we can compromise on something.....but how can I ask when he is so slammed with work that he barely texts me to check in....
Thursday, 20 August 2015
My story dating a banker part 3
Almost a year ago now...both T and I started new jobs.....his was yet again in investment banking but this time at a bulge bracket. Probably the top investment bank in the country....
I knew T's hours were probably going to get 5 times worse....but this time I was more prepared and you know why? I started accepting T's lifestyle..... it became a part of me....I am a banker's girlfriend as a banker's girlfriend you begin to understand how they function and you learn to get on with your life too.
During the week that T was doing final rounds for his interview at this bank...it was also my birthday and T had a set of testing rounds and case studies, was already piled with deal flow at the boutique he was in....and just didn't know if he was going to be able to make my birthday - again, this is a common occurrence.
I had planned a night out of dinner and drinks with a few close friends....and I wanted T to be there badly.... T worked endlessly on his case study and the morning of my birthday I got a text from T saying he stayed up all night to do his work so that he could come.....this is why I love T....and this is why our relationship works and to top it off - T sneakily took care of the bill....not just for me...but for all 7 or 8 of us at the dinner....
I think it may have been in April/May this year that I really realised the brutality of this career. I think it was also the time that T really realised how brutal this job was....it wasn't just a job...it was a dedication...a lifestyle...his life now.
T was on a transaction with some really difficult clients...and when I mean difficult, I mean he was getting calls at 2am from them getting yelled at for mistakes he had made in his model....after what? getting close to 3 hours of sleep a day? I don't know how T did it....I don't know how T does it....he pulled nights and nights running on 3 hours of sleep and 20 hour days....I barely saw T at this time...if I was lucky maybe for an hour during the week on a friday night for dinner...and he had to back into work of course...
T was stressed, stress eating, tired, exhausted, frazzled....One night T got some time off on a Friday - his colleagues and bosses pushed him to get out of the office....T had just completed 36 hours of work straight... and any more...he possibly would have been hospitalised..... When I saw T he wasn't himself....he was exhausted, eyes sunken....barely able to put words together...tired.....he told me his nose had started bleeding and he felt sick and stressed constantly and just wanted to get in a cab and go home.....I was worried for T....he passed out on my shoulder in the cab ride.....
T decided he would spend a bit of time with me and get a bite to eat so we had some froyo ...he was looking a lot cheerier now.... he told me he missed me and doesn't know if he wants to do this anymore...he said he's over the banking lifestyle and over the money and prestige...he just wants his life back again.... I agreed that T should focus on his health and wellbeing and forget this superficial life but I said i'd support him no matter what.....
Even in his state...T dropped me all the way home (I love him for that)...
Since then a lot has happened....T and I have met each others parents and gotten along great...we've grown closer and his hours have become slightly (and I mean slightly) better.....hes getting a pinkness back in his face as opposed to that ghostly white....but he keeps telling me his time here is done and he wants to move onto something less stressful and brutal - will he? Can a banker ever really stop being a banker?
Wednesday, 19 August 2015
My story dating a banker part 2
And finally after telling him how worried I felt...he would reply ....his replies would be "i'm stressed"...."sorry I'm busy"....."Im sorry I'll talk you soon not a good time"...."I'm under the pump"...."getting raped".....
It happened everyday....and my anxiety just got worse and worse.....I was sad...I was unhappy....T's communication skills was sub-par....and having undergone a previous mentally abusive relationship...this is just not what I needed....T couldn't understand why I needed contact.....T simply wasn't able to balance his girl...and his work......
It wasn't just work....it was T's attitude to life and relationships....it seemed like enjoying life, having fun and career was his number 1 importance....relationships came next...... T was not taking us seriously enough and his lack of communication and not being able to understand what I was going through was just killing me.....
my constant being upset and starting fights and arguments put a massive massive strain on the relationship...I was just never able to be happy without getting annoyed at T for something....... T wasn't understand how serious my anxiety had gotten....and why he would 5 missed calls, endless texts and emails. I was sick.....mentally and physically...... when T realised it was getting bad we both agreed that I should go see a doctor....and he was understanding....I'd cry to T every night (that I was able to get him on the phone)....and I felt my world was crashing down....my friendships were ruined...my family life was shaken.....and T was worried.....we all were.....I told T that I can't go on like this anymore and that he needed to make an effort to assure me he was ok when I needed it to get rid of my anxiety about him....T didn't understand...T would say I don't want to add fuel to the fire...I need to take a tough love approach to this and not encourage your anxiety....you need to be strong and blah blah.....
I went on meds and that was the day my life changed....meds helped.....like I can't explain. I was strong again, I became myself again...I ate...I went out...I drank.....i lived my life....and only few people knew my secret but I was able to gain my independence from T and I decided....maybe T is not for me....maybe T's lifestyle and career choices just don't sit with mine...
T & I broke up........
The next day I received texts from mutual friends saying T is not doing too well and is missing me a lot and wants to work it out.....but i was stubborn
I then felt bad and spoke to T and he wanted me back....but i still stayed stubborn. I told T that things needed to change...that I've been taken for granted....that he has never said he loves me....that he is not committed and serious about this relationship....T told me none of that was true and that he was always committed and serious but he is young and its his first relationship and just needs time.....
T was not coping.....he would constantly contact me, want to meet up with me and be with me....he told me he loved me to my face and that he hadn't felt this way ever and missed me like crazy.....T said he can't do this job without me and that I have been his rock and support all the way and have kept him sane.....T told me that I am what he looks forward to at the end of the working week and that he will never find someone with my personality and that he doesn't want to talk anyone else....we hugged and he cried....and I couldn't keep it together...
I wanted T back so badly...but I didn't know if it was the right move....I didn't want to be hurt again for us to fall into the same trap again.....but I decided to give it a second chance and T & I were a thing again..
As my anxiety reduced our relationship strengthened and just knowing how much T loved me and was willing to keep trying to make it work gave me some comfort...
T became amazing....if I've ever seen any guy step up and learn from his mistakes ..it's T....
It happened everyday....and my anxiety just got worse and worse.....I was sad...I was unhappy....T's communication skills was sub-par....and having undergone a previous mentally abusive relationship...this is just not what I needed....T couldn't understand why I needed contact.....T simply wasn't able to balance his girl...and his work......
It wasn't just work....it was T's attitude to life and relationships....it seemed like enjoying life, having fun and career was his number 1 importance....relationships came next...... T was not taking us seriously enough and his lack of communication and not being able to understand what I was going through was just killing me.....
my constant being upset and starting fights and arguments put a massive massive strain on the relationship...I was just never able to be happy without getting annoyed at T for something....... T wasn't understand how serious my anxiety had gotten....and why he would 5 missed calls, endless texts and emails. I was sick.....mentally and physically...... when T realised it was getting bad we both agreed that I should go see a doctor....and he was understanding....I'd cry to T every night (that I was able to get him on the phone)....and I felt my world was crashing down....my friendships were ruined...my family life was shaken.....and T was worried.....we all were.....I told T that I can't go on like this anymore and that he needed to make an effort to assure me he was ok when I needed it to get rid of my anxiety about him....T didn't understand...T would say I don't want to add fuel to the fire...I need to take a tough love approach to this and not encourage your anxiety....you need to be strong and blah blah.....
I went on meds and that was the day my life changed....meds helped.....like I can't explain. I was strong again, I became myself again...I ate...I went out...I drank.....i lived my life....and only few people knew my secret but I was able to gain my independence from T and I decided....maybe T is not for me....maybe T's lifestyle and career choices just don't sit with mine...
T & I broke up........
The next day I received texts from mutual friends saying T is not doing too well and is missing me a lot and wants to work it out.....but i was stubborn
I then felt bad and spoke to T and he wanted me back....but i still stayed stubborn. I told T that things needed to change...that I've been taken for granted....that he has never said he loves me....that he is not committed and serious about this relationship....T told me none of that was true and that he was always committed and serious but he is young and its his first relationship and just needs time.....
T was not coping.....he would constantly contact me, want to meet up with me and be with me....he told me he loved me to my face and that he hadn't felt this way ever and missed me like crazy.....T said he can't do this job without me and that I have been his rock and support all the way and have kept him sane.....T told me that I am what he looks forward to at the end of the working week and that he will never find someone with my personality and that he doesn't want to talk anyone else....we hugged and he cried....and I couldn't keep it together...
I wanted T back so badly...but I didn't know if it was the right move....I didn't want to be hurt again for us to fall into the same trap again.....but I decided to give it a second chance and T & I were a thing again..
As my anxiety reduced our relationship strengthened and just knowing how much T loved me and was willing to keep trying to make it work gave me some comfort...
T became amazing....if I've ever seen any guy step up and learn from his mistakes ..it's T....
My story dating a banker part 1
I started this blog by taking inspiration from the blog ibankergirlfriend.blogspot.com.au. This girl's life has such uncanny resemblance to mine in every aspect of life that I almost feel like we may be the same person in parallel worlds!
A little background on me....I started dating my boyfriend in 2012. We went to uni together since 2008 and were friends from the beginning but nothing sparked between us and I was dating someone else at the time.
It's funny how your potential life partner can just be around you the whole time and you're so oblivious to this and instead end up dating douchebags - just as I did.
So let me tell you a little about T - 5 months into our relationship he got into investment banking at a boutique firm. I honestly didn't know much or anything about investment banking and M&A at the time....everything I learnt, I learnt from T. He told me it's his ambition and it's where he wants to be....where he wants to make it big....
I guess I didn't know what to expect....T told me that taking this job would mean I wouldn't be seeing him after 5pm on a weekday anymore...and it's likely that weekends will be a gamble too..... he asked me if I felt okay about that - did I?
I guess I did...it was only 5 months into the relationship and there's no way I was going to stop him achieve his dreams.
So there I was....a banker's girlfriend and little did I know what life and the next 3 years had in store for me.
On day 1 of his job... T finished at 10pm and I thought to myself - here it goes....boy was I in for a big surprise....10pm was early! T and I spent hours on the phone chatting about us....chatting about how we would make this work...how we would avoid drifting apart....how we would rise about the myths of these types of relationships never working out....and we decided we had to give it our best shot.....
On his first week T told me that they would get to leave early on Fridays and would get some time off on the weekend too....and so he did. It felt like I hadn't seen T in ages and it was so good to hear from him.....hug him and see him.... he told me about his colleagues and how they were all jocky guys....douchebags....so different from anyone else he'd ever worked with.... T was already missing me and I was already missing T
T & I grew much closer as months went by....and it was apparent we didn't like being away from each other...but we kept going and I kept being supportive.....I would get calls at anytime after 11pm when T got home and wanted to chat....some days I waited by the phone and would chat to him and some days I just couldn't get myself to stay awake....
I had to quit my job for some really personal reasons, I wasn't getting along with the manager and I felt really out of place and unhappy....so I decided to focus my efforts on uni ....this was where everything went to bits....anxiety, loneliness, uncertainty and insecurities all started taking over me
Being unemployed and having a boyfriend who is constantly busy, not able to keep in touch often and not knowing what times he gets home was really nerve wrecking.....I developed a really bad anxiety about T.....it started from never knowing when he was going to call, when I would be able to see him....to not getting replies for hours....or the rest of the day.....T was busy....busy.....endlessly busy with not a second to breathe.....
I would text once and get no reply...text again no reply....."T are you okay?"...."T talk to me".....and still no reply..... hours would have passed without a single reply from T....
A little background on me....I started dating my boyfriend in 2012. We went to uni together since 2008 and were friends from the beginning but nothing sparked between us and I was dating someone else at the time.
It's funny how your potential life partner can just be around you the whole time and you're so oblivious to this and instead end up dating douchebags - just as I did.
So let me tell you a little about T - 5 months into our relationship he got into investment banking at a boutique firm. I honestly didn't know much or anything about investment banking and M&A at the time....everything I learnt, I learnt from T. He told me it's his ambition and it's where he wants to be....where he wants to make it big....
I guess I didn't know what to expect....T told me that taking this job would mean I wouldn't be seeing him after 5pm on a weekday anymore...and it's likely that weekends will be a gamble too..... he asked me if I felt okay about that - did I?
I guess I did...it was only 5 months into the relationship and there's no way I was going to stop him achieve his dreams.
So there I was....a banker's girlfriend and little did I know what life and the next 3 years had in store for me.
On day 1 of his job... T finished at 10pm and I thought to myself - here it goes....boy was I in for a big surprise....10pm was early! T and I spent hours on the phone chatting about us....chatting about how we would make this work...how we would avoid drifting apart....how we would rise about the myths of these types of relationships never working out....and we decided we had to give it our best shot.....
On his first week T told me that they would get to leave early on Fridays and would get some time off on the weekend too....and so he did. It felt like I hadn't seen T in ages and it was so good to hear from him.....hug him and see him.... he told me about his colleagues and how they were all jocky guys....douchebags....so different from anyone else he'd ever worked with.... T was already missing me and I was already missing T
T & I grew much closer as months went by....and it was apparent we didn't like being away from each other...but we kept going and I kept being supportive.....I would get calls at anytime after 11pm when T got home and wanted to chat....some days I waited by the phone and would chat to him and some days I just couldn't get myself to stay awake....
I had to quit my job for some really personal reasons, I wasn't getting along with the manager and I felt really out of place and unhappy....so I decided to focus my efforts on uni ....this was where everything went to bits....anxiety, loneliness, uncertainty and insecurities all started taking over me
Being unemployed and having a boyfriend who is constantly busy, not able to keep in touch often and not knowing what times he gets home was really nerve wrecking.....I developed a really bad anxiety about T.....it started from never knowing when he was going to call, when I would be able to see him....to not getting replies for hours....or the rest of the day.....T was busy....busy.....endlessly busy with not a second to breathe.....
I would text once and get no reply...text again no reply....."T are you okay?"...."T talk to me".....and still no reply..... hours would have passed without a single reply from T....
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